257: lanie (be better at sex)

i’m never coming here again, but before i go i want you to know that you are a terrible lay. you’re the worst sex i’ve ever had, and i fucked a nearly dead 80 year old man. yeah. he was better than you. bigger dick, for one, but also, a guy like that knows how to charm a lady, you know what i mean? he knows what’s up. he made love to me, zack, he didn’t just fuck me like you do. he was good at it. slow, but good. i mean the guy would’ve had a heart attack, you know, if he went too fast. but i want you to know this too, this will make you feel better: your dick looks pretty much the same no matter how old you are. it’s like god made sure that little piece of equipment stayed pristine. this 80 year old guy’s dick looked just as good as yours does. though bigger of course. look i’m getting distracted–i’m leaving you. for good this time. i’m sick of coming over here and being disappointed by this sad bachelor pad and your terrible sex. you should get a book or something, get the kama sutra or something. call me when you can master ten poses or whatever. because i’m sick of being disappointed in your dumbass sex. be better at sex!