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267monologues

190: (cute dog spokesperson)

vote cute dog for president. cute dog is unlike any other candidate you’ve ever witnessed. tough on bones, soft on hearts, cute dog rallies the best in men and women, and can melt even the most cold and iron of hearts. vote cute dog 2016. cute dog is always by your side when you wake up, and nestles its cute little dog head against your neck when you sleep. cute dog never snores, but does kind of make a cute buzzing sound when it exhales. the sound is cute but never annoying. vote cute dog 2016. cute dog loves walks but won’t pull on your leash when you walk it. vote cute dog 2016. cute dog sometimes after it runs, it sticks its tongue out a little bit while it’s panting, god it’s fucking cute, and then you’re like, “hey cute dog look at your tongue!” and then cute dog cocks its head diagonally and you can’t even deal with that. vote cute dog 2016. cute dog needs you to take it outside to poop and pee on things, but cute dog promises to never scratch at your leg incessantly or make high pitched yipping noises. cute dog knows to be respectful when asking to go outside to poop and pee. cute dog may ask for scraps while you eat dinner but it will always be via a cute dog-appointed scraps ambassador. vote cute dog 2016. finally, cute dog promises to hump the stuffed giraffe toy you bought for cute dog in the privacy and comfort of the farthest corner in your walk-in closet. please take these things into consideration this election year, and vote cute dog, 2016. thank you.

By Josh

I'm the guy who owns this site, ya dummy.

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