169: the gordon from universe 5.8.19e8920∞

diana if you get this message i am dead. long dead. i am skull and bones amid mounds of dirt, my flesh swallowed up by worms. but when you get this message i will be alive, in your universe, i am alive and unaware of the chaos my mutation is about to cause to everyone. you will not believe the level of energy required to send this message across countless parallel universes, diana. it would make your heart swell up with pride knowing that your fuck off brother actually did something with his life in universe 5.8.19e8920∞. maybe you’ll feel even better knowing that i am not a fuckup in over 62% of all my possible life outcomes. (unfortunately, out of that 62%, 28% is me dying before i have a chance to be a fuckup.) in this universe i found a cure, a cure for the multiverse cancer that is spreading like wildfire. so to you, this message: in the dresser drawer in my room, yes, back home, in the top drawer in my room is a shoebox, untouched, beneath socks and underwear. in that shoebox is the key to this whole mess, something i’ve gathered in .07% of all possible instances of my life. i’ve left instructions in the box for what you need to do. i can’t repeat them in this message, i’m sorry, but once you see it you’ll know, you’ll understand. thank you diana. i love you, in all instances of the multiverse.

By Josh

I'm the guy who owns this site, ya dummy.

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