[weird vagrant on the side of the road, surrounded by various tubs, of the bath and non-bath variety.]
TUBS. a bounty beyond compare. tubs is a small word encompassing so many different sizes of, well, tubs. what else can you call tubs? containment devices? things that hold other things? there is no word better for tubs than tubs. buckets? buckets, ha! a bucket and a tub are two completely different items, my friends. pails? just another name for a bucket! but a tub … a tub can hold anything. water, food, jelly, a HUMAN BEING. tubs are so miraculous, it is as if god himself created them and gave them to us to use as a thing to put things in. my name is cleevus. yes cleevus. i was born sixty-two years ago in a tub. imagine that! my mama birthed me into a clawfoot bathtub, by herself, with the tub fulla water. i’ve been a swimmer ever since. ha! why else you think i live in this rainy city? half of these tubs are fulla rainwater, gotta empty ’em out every few hours or so. but this is the life i want to lead. i got all these tubs! this is the real life, people. the real life. the tub life. the tub life. hey does anybody have a few bucks? nah i don’t want to get drunk, i just wanna buy more TUBS.