133: chadwin

triangulate the signal using a passkey motor sensor algorithm. you’ve got four days to manipulate the data, tribard. we have to know where that signal is coming from! johnson, get the floorboard particle emulator up to date! we’ve got incoming violet disturbances in the outer infrared field, we’ve got to charge the pulsar trackers! CHARGE THE PULSAR TRACKERS! we’ve got three minutes to touchdown, repeat, three minutes to touchdown, brady, fire the anti-matter plasma cylinders. singh, get the ground crew up to speed on the situation and find a way to overclock the temporal subsistence chambers. T-MINUS TWO MINUTES UNTIL TOUCHDOWN PEOPLE. we’ve got sixteen live ones heading on a 48 degree decline, rotoscope the gyroscope launcher until it’s at 26 hertz, but do NOT push it to 30, you hear me? thirty hertz and we’re DEAD. ramirez, get all hands on deck and throw the forward throttle into overdrive, maybe 118%, then check the diesel manipulaters for any signs of damage. roscoe, get me a sandwich, turkey on rye, light on mayo with maybe some dijon if we have it but DO NOT WORRY IF WE DON’T. i need a thousand calibrated lawn darts ready for launch, repeat, one thousand ca-li-bray-ted lawn darts people! and actual lawn darts not that new shit where they’re all rounded at the end so johnson maybe time travel back to 1973 for the real deal. ONE MINUTE PEOPLE WE GOT ONE MINUTE UNTIL TOUCHDOWN. someone get velvet underground on the intercom, the one with nico, none of that white light/white heat bullshit. IT’S FUCKING BULLSHIT TREVOR we are not having this argument right now you understand? oh shit THIRTY SECONDS, THIRTY SECONDS UNTIL TOUCHDOWN someone call a priest we need last rites read for every god damned person here as quickly as possible. we need a fast talking priest and thirty polaris chunkers calibrated to the nth degree, WHAT’S THE STATUS OF THE PULSAR TRACKERS?! fifteen seconds people, here it is, this is the end, this is everything, this is the big one, if any of you beautiful ladies want to fuck right now let’s get to it, my shirt’s buttons are snaps so i can just tear this off FIVE SECONDS PEOPLE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE–

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