091

this is all very new to me. happiness, i mean, not this room, i know i’ve been babbling about the ikea furniture but … i mean being happy, feeling happy. and i’ve got you to thank for that, don’t i? all i needed was an outlet and you gave one to me. spending the last half-dozen years or so in a peripatetic haze in this city where i knew no one and no one knew me … it was rough, and quiet, and cold, and simple, and lonely. i embraced that loneliness, as it has always been a part of my life, an aspect of my personality difficult to describe to the ebullient people in my world. now, alone, i could study it, talk to it, breathe with it, and that … made me go a little crazy. i became too lonely. too distant. too disconnected from real life and real people. and i have to thank you a hundred times over for giving me a hand to help me back into the world of the living, back into the social construct and the people within it. it’s amazing how easy it is to slip into this gollum-esque life of living in a cave called your bedroom, staring at various glowing rectangular screens that give you all the information and masturbatory pleasure you’ll ever need. watching people fuck on screens will never be as good as hanging out with friends, drinking a beer in the summer sun, ruminating on life and relationships, all that stuff. i just have to remember that, the next time i’m wallowing alone in the darkness. thank you for helping me.