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267monologues

007: toby parker

i am a MAN, margaret! i am a MAN. i don’t take no shit from nobody, i don’t take shit from you, i don’t take shit even from my mama. nobody tells me what to do! if i want to come home and watch bullshit on the tv and drink a six pack or hell a twelve pack of beer i can do that and there’s nothing you can do to stop me! i don’t care how long we’ve been married! i’ll do it til the day i die, i swear to god. so not you or nobody can tell me what to do, god damn it. you wanna leave? you go ahead and leave, but you know i make all the money in this family and i’ll hang you out to dry i swear to god. no woman’s gonna make a fool out of ol’ toby parker, no sir! i’ll sign all your divorce papers but you won’t get a single dime outta me! i swear to christ i’ll, i’ll run off to canada before you–i’ll burn all my money, i’ll shut down the banks, margaret! before i let some woman tell me what to do! it’s not my fault your mother fucked you up royally, margaret, nor is it my fault that my father instilled a level of discipline in my blood strong enough to kill an ox. i am the fiery vampire bat of justice, margaret! i come from a long line of stone blooded viking hellbeasts! i don’t take no shit from nobody! so you just come down here and we’ll get this all settled, you hear me? i tell you what–i’ll give you two quarters you can use to call someone for a clue, you get me? ha! haha! ol’ toby’s still got it. margaret i’m gonna leave now, not because i’m any less of a MAN but because i hear police sirens and i’ve got an active warrant out for my arrest. but i’ll be back! you can count on toby parker! you can COUNT ON ME!

By Josh

I'm the guy who owns this site, ya dummy.

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