SCENE
Foti’s Greek Deli, approx 11:00am
CHARACTERS
Jill, Foti’s wife and cashier, the dearest, sweetest lady you will ever meet
Vapid Girl #1 [VG1]
Vapid Girl #2 [VG2]
[Jill returns from the credit card machine.]
Jill [to VG1]: Do you have another card? This one was declined.
VG1: Wh … what? That’s crazy.
Jill: I’m sorry.
VG2: It’s cool, I’ll buy my own food.
VG1: But, whuh … Can you run it again?
Jill: I don’t…
VG2: Don’t worry, I’ll buy my own food.
[VG1 stares at VG2 for a moment.]
VG1 [to Jill]: Can you run it again?
Jill [reluctantly taking the card]: We get charged every time.
VG1: What?
VG2: I’ll just buy my own food, okay?
Jill [swipes the card]: We get charged every time we swipe the card.
[VG1 obviously either didn’t hear Jill, or is ignoring her. A beat as everyone waits.]
Jill: Still declined.
VG2: It’s okay, I totally got this.
VG1: Are you sure?
VG2: Yeah, don’t worry, I got this.
VG1 [to Jill]: Did you run it as debit? Did you run it as debit?
Jill: It doesn’t—
VG2: I got it!
[Jill swipes VG2’s card. It works fine.]
VG1: Oh my god, I’m so embarrassed.
VG2 [abnormally loud]: DON’T YOU EVEN WORRY, GIRL, I GOT IT!
VG1: It’s just that my brother just gave me money—
VG2: DO NOT EVEN WORRY, GIRL!
Jill: You can sit wherever you’d like.
[They walk off]
The End
[The moral of the story is: DON’T RUN THE FUCKING CARD TWICE YOU BRAINLESS NUTSO! YOU’RE COSTING A MOM AND POP SHOP MONEY!]
