my extended lunch break

Today I had an errand to run.  This errand was to deposit my paycheck, which I received two days earlier but couldn’t deposit until today[1. If you really want to know, I was sick from Sunday until Tuesday, I got my check on Monday, couldn’t deposit it then, then took off of work on Tuesday and rested and ran a few errands.  So there.].  At my work we get a half-hour lunch break, but we can take an hour lunch if we need to (considering we don’t get paid for lunches, they don’t seem to mind if you take a little extra time).  Since I don’t have a car, errands for me take two to three times as long to finish than people with a car.  So I knew I’d need to take an hour lunch.

Since I had so little time to finish my task (involving taking buses and perambulating in a spirited manner), I figured I’d stop in at a Quizno’s by the bus stop to grab a chicken carbonara sub before I left.  This entry, by the way, is entirely going to be about Quizno’s.

But first, the mall.  I had to walk through the Lloyd Center mall on my way to Wells Fargo.  This mall is very teenager-centric and usually has some Shady Looking Kids around when I’m waiting for the bus.  But it was only two o’clock when I came in, which was great, because it was not as full, and I got to see the illustrious Nostalgic Old Man wandering about.  Two, actually!  You know the NOM[2. Nom!  aaahahahahhahaa.] when you see him: high-waisted pants, golf shoes, small fedora, mustache, googly eyes trying to make sense of this new fangled world.  The first one I saw was walking toward the exit with this kind of jerky motion.  Then I noticed he had a cane, but was not using it.  It was like, he was walking, he had a limp of some kind, yet he refused to use his cane.  He was holding it slightly outward, just a few inches off of the ground.  His small fedora was tan and made out of wicker, and had a red and brown band around the base[3. It’s hard to describe hats without knowing hat terminology.].

I went to Wells Fargo, did my thing, then came back and saw a second NOM standing bewildered by the skating rink that Lloyd Center has.  He was staring at the children skating like ice rinks were the wave of the future.  “How do they transport so many ice blocks to keep this thing going?” he seemed to think.  “Ah hell, I can’t keep up with it all.”  He was a blue NOM, with a wicker fedora with a blue band at the base, and blue high-waisted pants.

Oh old people, will you never stop being old?

After that I had to run to catch the bus, but I also had to wait for the bus, so I stopped in at Quizno’s to get a chicken carbonara sub.  Now, before I begin, let me say that Quizno’s has a special place in my heart[4. Specifically the part of my heart that has stopped functioning from eating so much Quizno’s.].  There is a Quizno’s at my college that’s right by the theatre department building, and so me and the other drama geeks would go eat there.  I would get the chicken carbonara almost every time, sans mushrooms, which basically made it a piece of bread surrounding chicken, bacon and cheese.  Oh, and the sauce.  The sauce is the best part.

But as the years have gone by, I’ve found that Quizno’s, well, sucks.  I used to like it so much but now it sucks.

So I went into this Quizno’s for nostalgia’s sake (see, I knew I’d come up with a theme eventually), only to be greeted by the two saddest looking employees I think I’ve ever seen.  I’ve been in this Quizno’s before and the employees there look like they’ve been forced to wear Tack Shoes or something.  They look like they were just yelled at for peeing on the carpet.  Like if they don’t work there the Quizno’s mafia will kill their mothers.  It’s ridiculous.  I felt like the sandwich maker was going to cry while he put my sub in the heater thing, and then at the register was a very depressed Asian man with big eyeglasses.  Also, I got mine to go, thinking they’d put it in a bag like they always do, but instead the guy put it in this sandwich sleeve bullshit and just handed to me.  Uh, dude, where’s my bag?  How am I supposed to carry all this?  WHY ARE YOU GUYS SO SAD LOOKING?!

So I walked to the bus stop and stood there for a second.  My original plan was to take the sub to work and just eat it there.  But now it’s in this sleeve and it’ll make the bus smell delicious, so I was like, oh well, and just ate the damn thing right there.  He didn’t even cut the sandwich in half, too, like they ALWAYS do!  What, did you guys run out of knives trying to slit your wrists or something?!  Jesus!

And then, of course, after I ate the sandwich and got back to work I had to take the worst crap in all existence.  You know that cone of light that shoots out of a black hole?  That was my shit today.  Goodness.  Why do I eat at that place?  It’s there and Wendy’s, I know when I eat there I am going to Crapsville, and yet I do it anyway.  Stupid familiarity and low cost.

Anyway, that was my day.  We move into a new house on Sunday.  Is that a bigger deal than Quizno’s and old men?  Probably, but not as fun to write about.

By Josh

I'm the guy who owns this site, ya dummy.

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