so i’m at work and i write the name “dennis” but it looks like “donnis,” and suddenly this whole dialogue pops into my head. enjoy.
2: what is this name?
1: who?
2: this. it looks like … donnis.
1: seriously? i know my e looks kind of like an o, but donnis? you think that says donnis?
2: well, that’s what it looks like.
1: who has the name donnis?
2: i don’t know! people have all kinds of weird names these days.
1: cal, i think, when trying to decipher handwriting regarding people’s names, i think it’s important to *not* start with the abstract.
2: what do you mean?
1: how many people have the name dennis?
2: i don’t know.
1: i’ll tell you: a lot. and how many people have the name donnis?
2: … not that many?
1: none. no one has the name donnis.
2: i’m sure someone has the name donnis.
1: no, no one does.
2: [thinks] what about that greek guy? the guy who was really handsome.
1: what?
2: you know, that guy. they kept calling him “a donnis.” people were like, “hey, there goes a donnis.”
[beat]
1: you mean adonis?
2: yeah! a donnis. you think they were referencing just one donnis, or was donnis his last name? and he–
1: i hate you.
2: –didn’t like his first name or something.
1: did you hear me?
2: yes.
1: i hate you.
[long pause]
2: what?
1: a-d-o-n-i-s. adonis. one name. greek god. or something. i don’t know. that [points to name] is dennis. not a dennis. just dennis.
[beat]
2: maybe donnis is the male version of donna.
1: why are you continuing this?!
2: because i don’t like it when you act this way.
1: what way?
2: all condescending because i can conceive of a world wherein a person with the name “donnis” exists.
1: i’m not — i don’t — i don’t think that. the name “donnis” could very conceivably exist in this world. i just don’t think it’s a common name. people generally don’t name their children “donnis.” right?
2: right.
1: okay.
2: but you can still admit that “donnis” may be a male version of “donna.”
1: i don’t think that’s a thing that people do, but okay.
2: what do you mean?
1: i don’t think people use male versions of female names.
2: someone must.
1: plus i think “donna” is a female version of “don.”
2: oh. really?
1: yeah. i guess.
[beat]
2: okay, what is this?
1: what?
2: “gany.”
1: gary! gary! i’m sorry my handwriting is shit!
