This past Friday my friend and t-shirt designer Missy came down from Tacoma to spend some Awesome Time in Portland. Since Paul was at work, I deemed it necessary to hang out with her. So I went downtown, found her, we ate pizza, drank a soda, maybe, and then headed off on an ADVENTURE!
This adventure included taking a lot of buses. At one point we were waiting for the 19 when a young man with a guitar in a case decided to pursuade Missy to sing. She was hesitant at first, and said, “Why don’t you sing first?”, to which the man replied, “You won’t want to sing after I sing.” This made me laugh. Internally, of course. So he kept nagging, being even more persuasive as his bus was seen coming down the street, and eventually Missy sang something a capella. Then he turned to me. “You sing something,” he said, and I thought, Hmm, what should I sing? I decided I would sing “The Legionnaire’s Lament” by the Decemberists. So I sang the first line when the guy stopped me and started singing himself. I would’ve found this rude, but I knew the guy wanted to sing the entire time. He kept acting like people should just sing, sing!, whenever they wanted, wherever they wanted, but I knew it was all a thinly veiled excuse for him to impress us.
Oh, and the song he sang? “I’ll Make Love to You,” by Boys II Men. Classic.
Our journey eventually took us to Reed College, where approximately 1300 hippies dwell. It’s a beautiful campus, nestled around a canyon and a river and with lots of trees. And across from it is a whole bunch of rich white people houses. It truly is a hipster’s paradise.
Here is a picture of the campus:
Ha! You thought I was going to take a beautiful shot of the campus, didn’t you? I didn’t! I took a picture of the map of the campus! I. Am. A. Loser!
Our first destination was the Art building. We saw some art there, and I took pictures of it, without asking for permission. So if some snobby Reed artisan is looking through blogs and sees their piece of art and is mad at me for taking a picture of it and making it well known throughout the blogging community, then they can contact me and I’ll take it down. But you’re only doing yourself a disservice if you do that.
Here’s a stick man!
Here’s a trident thing in a box!
Here’s Rodney Fucking Dangerfield!
That’s all I took pictures of. That Rodney Dangerfield picture is pretty good, though, eh?
After that we walked around campus and I tried to get into the Theatre building but there were some snobby theatre kids in front rehearsing a scene or something. Missy asked them if they were rehearsing and this girl who was kneeling down said, “No, we just sit out here in this position all the time.” I wanted to punch her straight in his balls, but she didn’t have any. So we moved on.
Now, prior to this we had walked past the Student Union building, only to see a strange couch-like device in the shadows. Missy said, “What is that?” and I said, “How the fuck am I supposed to know?” She asked why I didn’t take pictures of it, and I said because I didn’t want to take pictures of something that would be new to me, but old hat to Reedians, thus ensuring this type of conversation:
Reed Alumni: You were at Reed recently?
Josh: Yeah! I got these pictures of this fuckin’ couch seesaw! Look at them!
Reed Alumni: Oh, you mean Ye Olde Couche Seesawe. That’s been a Reed staple since the college opened in 1903! It’s been featured in several prominent couch magazines! You are obviously uncultured!
I should add at this point that our whole reason for going to Reed in the first place was to meet my friend Maarvi, who, prior to this point, existed only on the Internet. Now she exists in real life, cause I have met her. This is the true power of quantum physics.
Anyway, I say that because we met Maarvi and Missy said something about the couch seesaw and Maarvi was like, “Yeah, they built that, like, yesterday.”
And THAT’S WHEN I TOOK PICTURES.
Well, okay, only two pictures on my phone. Missy took a lot more, and some video too. I will end this blog with those videos. But before I do, I must say, without hesitation, that the Couch Seesaw is the most dangerous, and therefore awesome, thing I have ever seen. The amazing story behind it goes like this:
Guy: Hey, Reed College Senate? We want to build a couch seesaw.
Guy: Uh, I don’t know. We made some blueprints at Applebees last night. On the napkins with some crayons.
Senate: Let me see that … Holy shit! That’s amazing!
Guy: Yeah. It’ll only cost $1100.
That’s really it. Well, I don’t know about the blueprints, but they really just asked the Senate for money, and built the damn couch themselves. It’s awesome.
Well, okay, that’s the end of that. Here are some videos, including a very special video at the end staring Yours Truly and the Mirror effect on Photo Booth. Goodnight!