231: robbie (a terrible first date)

see, when you’re a donut like me, you have to keep moving. donut. it’s a term i made up for people like me, guys who … have a hole inside of them. i could probably explain that better. i’m like a donut because i’m sweet but also flaky but also i have a hole inside of me. not a, um, not like a physical, like a literal hole. it’s a metaphor, dude. i have this hole inside of me and nothing can fill it up, not even a dick. that–i mean, i guess you’ve never done this before because you’re a female, but one time i bought a dozen krispy kreme donuts and put them on my dick. on my, like, erect penis. just to see how many i could fit. and i’ll tell you right now: a half-dozen. you get what i’m saying here? half dozen is a lot. but that’s not why i call myself a donut. i mean it could be. but it’s not. no i’m glazed and have a hole inside of me that can’t be filled by anything. that’s it. and see women like you see me being all mysterious in the corner and you think “oh that guy’s mysterious in the corner” but what’s really going on is i’m trying to fill this donut hole sized hole in my soul, not a literal one but a metaphorical one. it’s hard to talk to people about that, because they just don’t understand. so i sit back in a dark corner and brood. that’s probably what made you want to go out with me tonight, isn’t it? i mean, i wrote it on my okcupid profile so you had to have read it.

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