216: collin (gresham)

it didn’t hit me until i came in to work this morning. this is it. this is the end, this is my life from now on. i’m a creature of habit, abby, my life is dictated by the ebb and flow of the tides, and now there’s no out anymore. i’m stuck. i have an apartment, i have a full time job, and i have no time for anything else. i’m excited and absolutely terrified to be living alone. i’ve spent so much of my life having other people around to support me, whether directly or indirectly, and now … well now i’m going to be alone in gresham. i guess my cat counts as another being but it’s not the same. this is the true test of my character, abby, the test of my determination. out there, on my own, working hard, doing whatever the hell i want, and then, when the loneliness comes, because it will, it always does, will i wallow in it, or will i use it as motivation to leave my apartment? i mean, i don’t do that now, but i could! i could very well!

it’s just, exciting, you know? exciting and scary. what if all of my friends fall of the face of the earth, and i’m trapped in gresham with the white trash and the mexicans? er, i know that sounds racist, but i mean it more like “i don’t know anyone out here” than “i hate these people.” i don’t hate them! i just, it’s hard to make friends, that’s what i’m trying to say. and you abby, what if i never see you again? this is my lot in life, isn’t it? it’s the path i’ve been meandering down for years. the introverted creative guy. the loner. the guy who’s pale as a sheet but wrote a decent sonnet. fuck. i’m turning into jd salinger, aren’t i?

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