carter bought a bunch of lemons because they were on sale. we have four bags of lemons. what the hell am i supposed to do with all these lemons? they’re gonna go bad, i have to use them before they go bad. i have to start making all of these dishes with lemons in them and drink lemon water and make lemon sorbet or something. carter does this all the damn time, always impulse buying. it drives me insane. remember when he bought all that rhubarb and suddenly we’re eating strawberry rhubarb pie every night for two months? two months! that is way too much time to be eating any kind of pie, much less the same flavor, every day. i’m going to talk to him. i have to talk to him about it. he gets on woot every day and sometimes i’ll come home and there will be like five iphones and i’ll be like “carter why did you buy five iphones?” and he says, “they were on sale on woot” and i’m like “what are you going to do with five iphones?” and he’s like “sell them” and i’m like “you just bought them from an overstock company, are the refurbished?” and he’s like “ahem, factory reconditioned” and i’m like “whatever, they’re too old and you’re not going to make any money!” and then these five iphone 4s or whatever just sit on ebay for two months until he gets mad and takes them off. there is a drawer in his study that is full of old phones, i swear to god. he’s a good man but he just buys a lot of really dumb shit sometimes. so anyway that’s why you have two lemon wedges in your hefeweisen, because god damn it i have to use up all these lemons!