honey, the jam machine broke and now there’s jam all over the basement floor. like, up to my ankle. it’s a sticky delicious mess. i think the cat’s in there somewhere. i’m sorry. i thought it would work, i honestly did. well, it did work, technically. technically this is all jam. but the pressure, the pressure was too much. your vinyl collection is ruined. the couch is ruined. your cat is probably dead. i mean it was an explosion, i think. everything down here is ruined. it’s all over the walls, the ceiling. it smells so amazing. i’m sorry, i’m sorry. but it smells like strawberries! sweet sticky strawberries. i kind of want to lay in it. i’m going to lay in it. honey, i’m going to lay in it and then i’m going to clean it up, okay? i think i owe this to myself. you’re more than welcome to lay in it with me. you’re always complaining about stuff being “boring,” well what’s more exciting than laying in a pool of strawberry jam? [he lays in it] oh this is tremendous. this is exquisite. this is heavenly. you should come in here. it’s still warm from the machine, i know that sounds weird. [meow] oh the cat’s alive, thank god.