134: i’m remembering (fawm 2016)

i popped this existential pimple
let the pus drain through my brain
spent all summer searching for a symbol
made to resemble a paper plane

coasting through my memories
with language on its wings
it landed on the only spot
whereupon my sadness clings

unfurled like a wellworn ship’s sail
and fraught with boolean strings
recited all, but destined to fall
i’m trying hard to keep my senses

i’m remembering
it feels a little hazy
but i’m remembering
a time when i implied
i’m not doing fine
infer what you will
but i’m holding still
i’m remembering

i squint my eyes hard in the sunlight
and reminisce alone
while crows parade around my chimney
always boasting about how far they’ve flown

what can reply? i think
there’s nothing to compare
now stuck in vacant introspection
i’m reflecting to thin air

and prying through these stubborn neurons
hoping for a little tease
of something i have done in the past
i am trying hard to keep my senses

chorus

and i may be old, i may be wise
but my faculties aren’t wired
like they used to be, i swear
i’ll have my supervisor fired
for this gross negligence
oh wait that’s me, i forgot
i hope i won’t forget that next time
wait … forget what

i call the number on my bracelet
just so i can hear a voice
remind me what i’m doing in my home
like i even have a choice

these days i wander through my mind
like a hiker in the spring
always trudging ever upwards
wond’ring what view the peak will bring

and every time i see the faces
of my family in the clouds
i call their names with so much love
i am trying hard to keep my senses

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