sit down. sit the fuck down. don’t you say another fucking word until i’m finished talking to you, do you understand me? just nod yes. okay. good. now i want to preface this by saying i think you’re an asperger-as-fuck piece of shit who gets way with being an asshole because you’re the smartest person in the office and without you the boss would be at a huge loss. i totally understand that if you and i tussled and got called to the principal’s office, i’d be out of here faster than i can say “asperger-as-fuck.” so you’ve got this sense of entitlement that gives you, for some reason, an excuse to be a giant baby. and oh what a giant, enormous, fucking dickwad of a baby you are. oh how you whine because nobody is as smart as you. oh how you whimper in your office because it’s so hard being you. great. whatever. that’s fine. but the next time you’re mad because you somehow believed a 20-year-old intern could do their job right, don’t you ever. ever. EVER take it out on me. you get me? don’t you stomp out of your office and interrupt me while i’m on the phone. don’t you give me that mean mug you give. in fact, even better, don’t ever say another word to me unless it’s directly about work, like if you need to ask me a question or something. and if you do ever need to ask me a question, do not, i REPEAT, do not wait for me to acknowledge your presence. do not stand there. say my name. say my fucking name. i will not acknowledge you until you say my name. got it? you could look me straight in the face and i will say nothing until you say my name.
lastly, and this is important–everyone else may take your utter indian-food-diarrhea of an attitude because you’re important to this firm, but please, please understand: i don’t mind getting fired. you reading between the lines here, bucko? if you ever piss me off again i will ram your head into every wall i can find, and i will beat your dumb baby ass until your face looks like a head of cauliflower. i will enjoy this very much. i will go to jail for this. and yet, i won’t, because if you tell anyone it will just lead to a quicker beating. got me? i have no problem showing you what it means to be a grown up, either by my words, or my fists.
now. i’m going to make a quick call to a client. be sure to close your door so you don’t have to fight the impulse to try and make me feel like shit, okay? okay.