118: joanie

look, let me just say what i want to say and then i’ll be out of your hair forever. okay? because i’ve got this, this, this soreness in my chest, right, this thump thump thump and it’s not my heartbeat, it’s my body … fighting over whether to tell them or not. it’s my conscience, it’s my consciousness … we have to tell them, jake. that’s what it’s telling me, it’s been telling me this for ages now. we have to tell them. the more time we spend with our mouths zipped up, the longer the ache pulls me down, and i’m afraid in a year or two i just won’t be able to take it anymore and i’ll blow my brains out, just to stop this constant aching. the only thing stopping me is you and those big meaty fists of yours. i don’t even care if i go to jail anymore. look you can tell them i did it, jake, you can tell them i did everything just as long as people know. people gotta know. they¬†gotta know. i see them on the news and i– i just can’t take it anymore. they’re dying, jake. they’re dying inside. and i feel it and it’s making me die inside too. you know i love you jake but that won’t matter if i can’t feel anything for anyone. you get me? you get me jake? if we don’t tell anyone tonight i’m gonna kill myself, i swear to god. if you care about me even one little bit you will let us talk. let us talk jake. let us talk.

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