conrad, darling, do me a favor and draw the blinds, will you? i want to strip out of my eveningwear and i’d prefer not to have the neighbors gawking at me. and start a bath? with epsom salts? thank you. and whatever you do, don’t peek, you know how shy i am, conrad! now let me tell you about the gala tonight. it is going to be simply fantastic! edward has contracted a man from fifth street to carve an enormous ice sculpture of a swan, complete with a little funnel from the top of the sculpture to a hole at the swan’s bottom. you can pour your favorite liquor at the top and then drink it as it comes out of its little, hm, what is it called? cloaca! yes, oh my, it’s going to be great. susan has ordered truffles, all kind of truffles, with chocolate and caramel and vanilla filling. and i believe trevor contacted the caterers who are going to make little ham and cheese quiches! imagine, a tiny quiche! conrad can you imagine that? conrad what are you up to over there? don’t look! i’m barely in my negligee. conrad are you making a noose? am i *boring* you conrad, to the point of suicide? oh i’m so sorry, i’m sorry this gala is going to be enormous and wonderful that talking about it has made you want to hang yourself. please. is the bath drawn yet?