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did you fart? i didn’t know you were capable of farting due to your different body makeup. maybe that’s just some kind of air excretion? it really smells like you farted. okay so we you know have digestive systems and we eat meat and plant matter, it gets digested in our gut, and then we poop it out. i realize that’s really strange to you, but the point is that sometimes the bacteria in our gut–yes we have little things in our body that help us digest things–the bacteria causes gas to build up in our gut and we fart it out. and if the bacteria is having a real go at it the gas can kind of stink. i only say all of this because i didn’t fart, and you’re the only other thing in this room, and i smelled something that smelled precisely like a fart, so the only perpetrator is you. so you have to tell me: did you fart? or was what something else that smelled really close to a fart? this could be really huge for xenobiologists, you know what i mean? really huge. bigger than the fact that i’m fucking an alien, yes! that is now secondary to the fact that you can fart and your farts smell like ours. i’m telling you this is huge. huge! now just hold on and let me get a jar. where do you fart from? these are important questions okay?!

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