083: martha

there’s a gun, in the cabinet. an old hunting rifle. taylor, don’t look at me like that. you know what i need now. i need to be put down. it’s a bolt action rifle so you just insert the clip below and use the bolt to load the bullet into the chamber. there’s eight rounds so go outside and fire a couple of shots to get the recoil down. it’s gonna kick back hard in your shoulder. don’t lean back expecting the recoil, get your feet down and sturdy and brace yourself forward. go put a can on that picnic table fifty feet out and try to hit it in three shots. if you can do it, come in. if not, shoot two more times. one shot in the head ought to do it, but i need you to be accurate. but if you miss, you’ll need a second shot.

taylor, go outside and shoot. my vision’s starting to get fuzzy and i don’t know how much longer i’ll last. i don’t know a lot about this world but i do know that i don’t want to be a zombie. i’m not going to wake up one and i don’t care if you have to saw my fucking head off to keep it from happening. i’d rather you do it quick with a bullet in the brain. hell, why do you even need to step away from me? my brain is … acting … fuzzy. just put the barrel against my forehead. what am i thinking. taylor go into the cabinet, load up the gun and blow my brains out. my whole body is on fire right now, am i sweating? just get the gun, taylor, please, get the gun. don’t let me become one of those things, okay? go get the fucking¬†gun, you pacifist piece of shit, you’re not a baby in a crib, you’re in the real world and you’ve seen what those things do to people. i will do that to you if you don’t kill me. so get the gun!

alright. it’s loaded already. good. just, come here, you’ll have to stand to do it, i’d get up but my legs are tired, they’re … not wanting to work. keeping the butt notched in your shoulder like that means you won’t be able to stick the barrel in my head, you’ll have to be a little distance away but not much. you should be fine. just … there, keep your elbow up, it’ll help. now sight down that little metal tab at the end of the gun. this is stuff they secretly teach you in movies, you know. you remember that movie you liked when you were a kid? three kings? you always loved war movies as a kid, so funny because now you’re a damn pansy. and after all that boyhood aggression left, what remained was three kings. great movie. i used to watch that movie from the reflection in your big eyes, sitting in that rocking chair, just watching you and knitting. i love you taylor. this is a big world now, a big scary world, and in order to survive you’ll have to adapt and be strong. you can’t be a pacifist anymore. you have to take charge. just shoot. just pretend my head is a target and shoot. you’ve got this baby, you’ve got this, just–

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *