081: lori

i found a thousand nickels on the ground. give or take. maybe a bag fell out of a nickel truck? i dunno. they were in the grass so after i scooped the big mound of ’em off and put them an old radio flyer wagon i’ve had since i was a kid. scooped ’em all in there and then started picking the ones out of the grass, farther away. once i had them all i started counting them but i got bored after 800. i guess there’s a thousand of ’em. then i took the wagon down to the bank by my house and they had a big fancy machine that could count them all. it sounded like a dishwasher when i loaded it up, which was funny. took like ten minutes, everyone at the bank was staring at me. it was weird. then it was done and i only made fifty bucks! i spent all that time hauling a heavy wagon full of nickels to the bank and i only made fifty bucks. the coin machine printed out a ticket and i had to give it to the banker, and he said, “only fifty bucks, huh?” and i said “yeah! that’s stupid.” then he asked if i have a bank account and i said no and then he asked if i wanted one and i said no but then he said that he would have to charge me a fee if i didn’t have an account with them! like five dollars! so i got a bank account. now i have a bank account. it’s a savings account, it saves my money until i really need it. but since it’s only fifty bucks, i don’t think i’ll need it any time soon. long story short: if you see a thousand nickels on the ground, don’t pick it up.

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