there was a lot of hullabaloo about you not being there tonight, lot of old men in tuxedos looking around for your grand entrance. a lot of people are counting on you, ted. financially and otherwise. and this constant secrecy is making them nervous. now every time i bring this up you say you have it under control, meanwhile your beard grows longer and your fingernails are out of control. you look like goddamn howard hughes, man. you’re quickly becoming the biggest embarrassment batchco has ever encountered, more of an embarrassment than your father. i know plenty of people in this company who would like nothing more than to throw you out a goddamn window, ted, but despite being batshit crazy, you’re still smart as a whip, and still have over fifty percent stock in this company.
i don’t want to be mad at you, ted, but you’re giving me little option here. when’s the last time you showered? or ate anything besides that soylent paste bullshit. when’s the last time you made a decision about the future of your company? you’ve got ellen running every aspect for you. when’s the last time you even left this room? look, ted, it doesn’t matter where you go or what you do, unless you live in a hermetically sealed room, you’re going to get germs on you. you’re going to get dirty. this house is over a hundred years old, you don’t think there are rats running under the floorboards, shitting everywhere? i wouldn’t be surprised if there a carbon monoxide leak … i’d love it ted if you would FUCKING TALK TO ME. nobody needs your fucking silent treatment.
… alright. this is it. this is your last chance to turn this around, ted. i’m going to leave this room and i’m going to take control of this company one way or another. the only way you can stop me is to come after me. just stand up and head out the door. or grab me here, even. just do SOMETHING. that’s all we’re asking for. a little fucking leadership.