043: harry

(harry is on a blind date with a woman. they are at a decent restaurant, but nothing fancy. he is wearing gym shorts and a tank top.)

the problem with dating is that you begin it in an unnatural state, and then spend, what, six months trying to get back to your natural state of living. you get all dressed up and you don’t dress up normally, you know, you wear sweatpants every day–you buy a bouquet of flowers with money you’d rather spend on a six pack of beer. this is gender neutral, by the way, we both do it. we both want a partner in the middle of the relationship, when we’re both in sweatpants watching jessica jones on the couch and eating pizza from the box, leaving the next slice on our bare stomachs as we eat because the warmth feels good on our bellies. that’s the entropy of relationships. that’s what it will always become. it’s not travel, it’s not marriage, it’s not the loving looks you give each other from across the dinner table, it’s the normal shit. it’s the “your breath smells like onions” or the “i can’t have sex because i have a yeast infection” or the “do you want to watch another episode? yup? okay.” it’s that stuff. that’s the foundation of a relationship, and it’s not even what we start with! we start with glitz and glamour and cocktails and two hours of subtle questioning. then it slowly shifts, like settling molasses: one day he takes his shoes off and you see he hasn’t clipped his toenails in weeks. one night she can’t hold in a fart during sex. you know, the normal shit. you can’t change this, it will always happen. entropy always happens. which is why i came to this blind date in my gym shorts and a tank top–because i’m warm all the goddamn time and i didn’t want to eat in an undershirt and dress shirt, because i knew i would start to sweat. if you don’t like that, you can leave, but remember: this is how you dress when you’re at your most comfortable, too. i’m not trying to impress you, i’m trying to relate to you, to show you how we both are. do you want to be comfortable, or do you want to present the image of having your life together? me, i’ll take the first option. now. do they have burgers here? i want a fucking burger.

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