(she’s on her back on bed, legs in the air, with her lover seconds away from taking off her underwear.)
okay, before you go down on me, i just want to apologize for the state of my, my, pubic area. it’s not, i mean, it’s fine down there, like, sexually. all the parts are there, they function great, and i’m clean, the worst thing that’s ever happened down there was a bad yeast infection, which is NOT happening right now i assure you. i meant more in terms of immediacy. i haven’t been with anyone for a while and so i kind of … i mean … it’s pretty unkempt down there, you know what i mean? and i’ve, i watch porn like everyone else and all the women look like their pussies never had hair to begin with, so, i, i’m just letting you know. not because you look like a guy who watches porn all the time, or anything, not that that’s a bad thing, porn is great, when it’s, you know, not horrifically racist or sexist, which it kind of is most of the time–anyway, you’re not a bad person, it’s just hairier down there than the amazon jungle, and also we were just at the club so i’m probably sweaty too.
(as she gets up.)
i should wash up, in fact, or maybe, do you have a razor? (sighs) i probably shouldn’t be worrying about this. i call myself a feminist but am terrified to have a one night stand see my bush–okay, one night stand was a harsh term, i’m sorry, look, i’m just going to hop in your shower really quick, okay? maybe if you want you could, like, get ready, or whatever it is boys do. i’ll be right back.